Trying hard not to feel like a loser

I had a terrible race today- it went as follows:
Got up early and got ready then took Bella for a walk in the park- I wasn't feeling the best and I don't think my normal pre-race jitters can explain the nasty tummy thing I had going on- it felt more like gastro than nerves. I was worried I had talked myself into getting sick so I ignored it. I was a bit worried about eating or drinking anything in the morning in case I had to deal with it during the run so it meant that I was actually feeling thirsty before I had run.

I got to Williamstown in plenty of time for two more trips to the toilet including one stint of queueing in the worlds slowest queue while everyone took their children to the toilet and someone else who was obviously not feeling the best- but I can never change queue once I am committed in case the previous queue then starts moving. Still got to the start in plenty of time anyway. Saw a few people I knew like Superjacent and Smithy.

Once I got started I felt really good- my pace was around 5.45 min/km as I dodged and weaved around the walkers and people who were poor "self seeders". I enjoyed the run and got to encourage Smithy and Steve was they came back past me at the turnarounds.
Once I got to the 8.5km mark, I hit the wind and it was bad, I felt like I was jogging up and down on the spot- I tried to duck in behind other groups but the wind was gusting all over the place and I thought it might be a bit rude if I was right in someones space. We ran into the wind for about 10km and it just ruined my plans of a PB. My iPod battery died after just an hour and a half leaving me alone with my negative thoughts and nasty self talk. When we did finally turnaround and head back with the wind my legs were too tired to pick the pace up significantly but I managed to get back to 6min/km which had been a dream in the wind.
At the 19km turnaround it was back into the wind and I allowed myself something to drink- before that I hadn't felt like a drink- I was probably just after a walking break. I struggled into the running track for the final 200m and I was passed by Cool Runners runrtom and SlowSue who I had been trying to beat after they headed to the toilets at about the 7km mark. I stumbled across the line got myself some pancake and apple crumble (love the rolled up pancake with crumble inside Jaykay and Beki.
So my time of 2:18:xx has made me realise that I need to lose some weight (a LOT of weight), train faster and realise that if there is a coastal wind warning where I am running on the coast then I should be happy to finish.

As for my brief flirt with doing a full marathon, let me say right now that it is not even a remote possibility right now- (I believe you should never say never, never say always- and that is the only thing stopping me from saying I WILL NEVER RUN A MARATHON). I just don't have the mental toughness at this stage.
I did just get off the phone from JoJo who I think must have thought I was feeling a little unbalanced after I declared I was never running again- I felt terrible after my run. I drove home from Williamstown feeling at least 0.19 blood alcohol%. I was all over the road and had to concentrate on staying awake. I walked inside and lay down ready for a nap, remembered I had left my phone in the car, struggled out to get it, came back inside, climbed into bed in my stinky clothes and slept for two hours.
I have eaten and I feel okay- but just so you know Steve- I am not running the half marathon at the Run2G this year- I will do the HM at the REAL Run to the G this year- the Melbourne (half) Marathon in October- I have a lot of work to do before then.
Thanks for all your good wishes. (I nearly dedicated todays run to you runners out there who can't run at the moment, glad I didn't now because you would all be saying "Geez, Sara, don't bother next time!)